The story of a crass restaurant owner vs a vicious "demon" of a 21 month year old is all over the interwebs.
I'll admit, when the story first came out and I hadn't read into the details, I sided with the Darla Neugebaur, the owner of the diner. I certainly have my opinions on current parenting trends (ie I think parents don't let their kids take enough chances, make them soft, too much technology, etc). However, with those issues are other more positive ones: more present parenting, the benefits of early education, mothers/fathers sharing child rearing duties more equally, etc.
I was fully prepared to jump on the "those irresponsible parents should've taken their screaming child out" bandwagon.
However, the more I read about this story, the more uncomfortable I became with that. For the purpose of this article let's just assume that the child was being loud (not screaming at the top of her lungs for 30 minutes like the owner said but more than a one-time whimper...somewhere in the middle lies the truth). I read somewhere (albeit I couldn't find the original source) that other customers said the child wasn't being all that disruptive but cried/complained for about 5 minutes.
But that's neither here nor there. Let's assume the parents should have taken the child out as many think they should have and, honestly, as I probably would've (and have) done.
But they didn't.
And apparently that warrants a verbal assault and borderline physical threat on Facebook.
And people are applauding this woman because the public has a right to eat their overpriced pancakes without the presence of unhappy children more than a child has a right to...be a child...or parents have a right to make an error in judgment.
Then it got kind of sickening.
I completely understand the ignorant comments from people who don't have children (including the owner of this diner). "If I had kids, I would NEVER let them make a peep in a restaurant" bla bla bla. Seriously, shut it. You have no idea what it's like to vacation with a toddler. My six year old was a volatile, terrible sleeper of a toddler. And, oh, vacations. It was the worst on vacation. So seriously, shut it.
But the worst is coming from other parents. To read the judgement when there should be compassion is...heartbreaking. "My child/grandchild ALWAYS behaved in public..." and "We taught our children to bla bla bla." You, my friends, are full of crap or have forgotten what it's like to have toddlers. *Note: child care workers, it doesn't count when it's other people's kids because kids ALWAYS behave better for other adults.
And let's remember that not all children are the same. There are very mild-mannered, quiet children. And there are children, well, like mine. They speak their mind and when they've made up their mind about something there is very little amount of righteous bribery that will sway them. This personality trait will serve them well later in life, but it sure makes them hard to parent and, yes, take out in public sometimes. As they've gotten older, of course, it's gotten easier, but at 21 months? Goodness sakes. And on vacation? Yikes.
Some have commented, "Well, you people don't understand. My child has ADHD/autism/etc..." and then the response is usually "Oh, well, you're probably doing the best you can do. We don't fault parents of kids with special needs..." Let me tell ya something: all 21 month olds have ADHD and special needs. They aren't reasoning, thinking people yet. They feel hunger, they cry. They feel stress, the cry. And how do you know this child doesn't have special needs? Maybe the parents don't even know yet. The point is you DON'T KNOW, so take the owner's advice and shut the hell up.
For the folks saying, "Well, then you shouldn't take them out in public." Srsly? You are probably the same people without children who go on about how kids these days are so sheltered, have no life-experiences, no manners, bla bla bla. How are kids supposed to get those experiences and learn if we just lock them up? And for that matter, how are these parents supposed to learn?
I guess that's what I'm getting at. Assuming the parents should've taken their child out of the restaurant, why can't we just sum that up as a parenting misjudgment instead of putting them on blast as "the problem with parents in today's age." You, without kids: you don't get a say. You, with kids: I'm sure you've made as many parenting mistakes as I have and as the parents in this story have. And instead of saying, "Man, I've been there" or "We all make mistakes, chin up," we're lining up to say "I raised my child to never misbehave in public, which proves I'm doing something right..." which you really probably wrote just to make yourself feel better about all times you've screwed up. Some publicly, most privately.
And to those of you jumped on the "I'm with the owner, kids in restaurants are the worst!" bandwagon, did you even read what she ADMITTED she did? She screamed at a toddler to "shut the hell up." She went on her business Facebook account using foul and crude language to lambast these people and their TODDLER, threatened them, complained about making THREE pancakes (and, omg, pancakes do not take that long to make, especially when the batter is already made), she called the toddler rotten and demon (which she based on this one encounter), told the husband he didn't have any balls, and admitted she thrived on hate.
You want to be on the side of that? I don't care how awful the child's behavior was. Chalk it up to a bad day in the service industry and move on. But people are applauding her for standing up for "people's god-given right to have brunch without disruption." Yes, perhaps the parents should've taken their child out and it's her private business and she can do whatever she wants, but to applaud such disgusting behavior is beyond me. To applaud the verbal assault and online bullying of this family is semi-horrifying. Whatever "rightness" Neugebaur had, she lost in the delivery. Now she's just wrong.
It seems to me that we have put an individual's right to eat overpriced pancakes undisturbed and a disturbed GROWN-ASS woman's right to scream at a toddler over a child's innocence. And over parents who simply made a misjudgment and are probably trying to do their best.
Neugebaur is right. No one needs 3 full-sized pancakes. But we could all dish out a bit more compassion and less judgement.
