You Cannot Be a "F*cking Lady"

I have seen them often. Mommy blogs about how they flip off their kids and their husbands and swear in front of their kids; how, when their toddler uses "hell" appropriately it brings a smile and sense of pride to them.

I was reading the comments of one of these "I swear in front of my kids and I'm proud of it" blogs (I don't know why as I fundamentally don't agree with it, but maybe I was waiting for something and needed to kill time), when one mother posted this comment "I'm a f*cking lady, and I cuss often..." and went on to explain how she just makes sure her kids don't say "sh*t" at grandma's house or at school.

There were a lot of "I'm a F*cking lady, too! And I'm raising my daughters to be f*cking ladies and swear!"

And, that, my fellow women, is where I draw a line in the sand. Let me clear, talk however you want to, teach your kids whatever words you want with pride (as long as they don't teach them to my kids). But, you cannot fundamentally be a "F*cking lady" and cuss often. If you describe yourself as a "f*cking lady," you are not, so stop pretending you can be.

Full disclosure: I don't swear often. Don't get me wrong, I do occasionally in extreme circumstances, but almost never when my kids or husband are around. Usually when I'm by myself or with a very close friend. Can you picture Maggie Smith from Downtown Abbey saying, "I'm a f*cking lady, gimme my tea b*tch"?

Yeah, I don't think so.

I have no credentials in the "lady" department, but I was raised by a pretty proper Canadian who was raised by some stereotypical tea-drinking, British parents. Sure grandma dropped an occasional "sh*t" when she was talking about the French...but she didn't swear like a sailor. And she certainly didn't declare herself a lady. I think it's kinda like declaring yourself a gangster. If you gotta tell people you're a gangster, you're not.

If you have to tell people you're a lady (even a f*cking lady), you're not. It is a level of decorum, not a declaration of what you'd like to think you are simply because you're female.

I'm not passing judgement; different strokes for different folks. Different kinds of people make the world colorful and fun. If you want to swear and teach your kids to do it, go for it. But let's not get it twisted and call things (or people) what they are not. And certainly don't pretend you are a lady or raising little ladies when you are raising them to cuss with veracity and regularity.

Even declaring to people you are a "f*cking lady" won't convince anyone you are. Be sure to pass that along to your daughters.