This post may be a little behind but it's one that I've been rolling over in my mind for a couple months now, since a particular event occurred.
The event to which I refer happened in May when a "virgin" shooter (isn't that a catchy name the media gave him?) targeted women of sorority house at the University of California Santa Barbara. I was sickened to hear the specifics of how this man specifically targeted women for all the difficulties he perceived he had with the opposite sex during his short life (even shorter if you consider he probably wasn't physically sexually mature for more than 5-6 years). His hatred for these "sluts" (read: all women) was so intense he wanted to "punish them for not being attracted to me."
Sickened.
I was sickened for the lives of those who were directly impacted simply for being a woman. I was sickened to think about raising my children in a world where violence is an all-too-common response to frustration. I was sickened for my daughter who must grow up in a world where men EXPECT women to have sex with them and it is "weird" (or even "wicked") for them not to.
As an LDS woman, I have been reading, hearing, and discussing much on the role of women in the church (see my previous post about women and the priesthood), so my mind naturally tried to find some connection between this emotional story and what had been on my mind so much recently.
And here's what I came up with: as much as feminists (and those who oppose the church on whatever gender issue) try, they can never say the church hates women as much as the rest of the world does. Yes, I've seen people say the church hates women. But, why then, do I feel the best refuge for my daughter is within the fold of the church?
Because the gospel teaches the "why" of women; the divine reason for women. To lead His children back to Him. To serve, to love, to be pillars of the community, to study, to pray, to teach, to be mothers (and have mother hearts for those who are not mothers in this life), to be companions, and more.
The "why" of women in the world is to do whatever they want, to focus on oneself and just make yourself happy, sexual freedom, etc. In fact, there isn't really a "why" for women in the world...which is perhaps why there many problems. You cannot have a purpose without knowing why.
Men have come to think that it's ok to use women's sexual freedom for their own gratifications (of course, who are most women going to practice their freedom with?) and, so, have come to expect it, even when they have no right to. One night stands, children without commitment, etc. Men expect women to have sex with them...even if they don't really want to because that's what modern, Sex in the City, sexually freed women do.
Like this shooter. He expected sex. He expected women to be attracted to him. And when it didn't happen, he took his frustration out on them. Certainly this is not the fault of a woman or women, in general. And certainly almost everyone condemns his actions, but HOW did this happen? How is that we still battle the issue of rape and other domestic violence against women when, apparently, gender issues have made such "progress"?
It is a cultural failure. In a culture where an NFL player gets only two game suspension for beating a woman 1/3 his size into unconsciousness (his then fiance and now wife...don't even get me started) or you can get a longer sentence for playing online poker than sexual assault (at least in my state), what do we expect? Seriously, what do the stories on the news tell us about how the secular world values women?! In our increasingly secular culture, we treat women as something fun for a one-night stand, not a creature of intrinsic, divine value. Never is there a story about a woman giving up her time, talents, and energy to improve the world because, really, the world doesn't care about that. We care about sexy women. Successful women. We care about Kardashians (full disclosure, we have been known to watch an episode or two).
To me, THAT is a culture that hates women. Or at least one that does not regard them highly.
My hope lies in raising my daughter in an LDS culture where, it's true, she may never be bishop, but she will certainly know she's good for more than a good time or even a prestigious corporate career where she can be labeled "a successful woman." Some feminists may say, "But that's the subtle sexism that will keep women in the church down." Perhaps. But being a woman, a mother, a wife in the church is more than position of leadership. It just is more. It is a divine "why." And those who are part of the church can understand the "why" of women in the church is much more profound than the "why" of women that the world offers.
I'm not usually a "The world is evil and we're all doomed!" kind of person, but when I look at the way I feel valued as a woman in the church (even though I can't hold the priesthood) and the way the world values women, I cannot help but be extremely grateful for the opportunity to raise my daughter in the church.
