The Atonement Overcomes Motherly Anger

"Anger is not an expression of strength. It is an indication of one’s inability to control his thoughts, words, his emotions. Of course it is easy to get angry. When the weakness of anger takes over, the strength of reason leaves. Cultivate within yourselves the might power of self-discipline."-Gordon B. Hinckley.

Who could get angry at these cutie patooties?!

Hi. My name is Vanessa. I'm a wife. I'm a mom. And I get angry. 

Not "call-CPS!" angry. But definitely un-Christlike anger. And usually at the most Christlike beings I'm in contact with: my children.

I've been known to yell. I'm working on it. I've been known to scream occasionally. I'm working on it. I've been known to throw things (not in front of my kids...unless it was toys or clothes I'd begged them to pick up for days).

And I cry. I weep for this weakness I have not yet been strong enough to overcome. I apologize to my children and ask for their forgiveness and explain that mommy should not have yelled. I kneel down at my bedside and pray to my Father in Heaven who blessed me with these children and ask His forgiveness. Why do allow myself to rarely get angry with other people...often going to great lengths to try to understand their point of view, but start yelling at my kids after they continue to get down from the table and run around for the 10th time while we try to eat dinner as a family?

I have gotten better, though. What pushes me to be better and not just throw up my hands? Other than just trying to continually improve myself it is this: they yell and scream at each other and me now. It is embarrassing and humbling. As far as I can tell, it's too late for my 5 year old who has seen too little too late in my improvement with patience. Yesterday she SCREAMED at her brother for not joining in her celebration that both kids had buckled their seat belts before I had. Poor brother.

There is no part of parenting that is scarier or more humbling than realizing that your children are a mirror of you. The qualities or actions in my children that are most frustrating to me as a parent? Yeah, they got that from me. It's probably the same for you.

Bring in the "I'm a failure at life" ice cream.

Ok. Pity party over.

But here's the good news that I've realized. Some of their best qualities, they also get from me. Their compassion, their love of learning, their love of hugs and kisses, and their musicality.

And here's the really good part. I have wasted a lot of time wondering "Have I ruined my kids lives? Will they grow up screaming at whomever they get frustrated with? Will they ever be able to have jobs?! Are they going to end living in a van down by the river??!!" (bonus points if you catch the reference)

Here's what I realized: the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ is never more applicable than during parenthood. I try. I try and I try and I try. Sometimes I fail. But because of the Savior, that does not mean that I am doomed or my children doomed. I honestly, 100 percent try my best to be a good mother. And sometimes I lose my ish. Because of the atonement, though, that doesn't mean I am a bad mother and I haven't ruined my children. 

Realizing the atonement applies to parenting like any other aspect of life has taken tons of stress off me. I know I'm doing my best. My father in heaven knows I'm doing my best. My kids know I'm doing my best. We read our scriptures, we pray together, we learn together. Sometimes I screw up and I am weak when I need to be strong. But an infinitely loving Heavenly Father has given us his Son, so that's not necessarily a deal breaker.

Here's the bottom line: I know, I trust in the Atonement. So that as long as I keep trying, keep moving in the right direction, my children will not be punished for my shortcomings. They will be fine. 

Why do I tell you this? I once read an article by the National "Mom of the Year" (who I think was from Utah). Her article basically consisted of this: she admitted she used to be a yeller. She yelled at her kids a lot, until an incident that made her realize she had gone too far. Her older kids remember the "yelling mom," her younger kids never knew that mom. And that gave me hope. It gave me hope that I can change and my young children will some day forget yelling, angry mom.

I've always appreciated moms who kept it real. Who admitted they were exhausted, who admitted that being a mother sucks sometimes. It made me feel...NORMAL. So, while I try to be optimistic and happy, I'll always keep it real. So here it is. I get angry at my kids. I yell. But I'm working on it. If this is you, too, or you have some other struggle, let's work on it together and trust in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

Doing that, you can know that everything will be alright.