"No, I love America the Best Way!"

This title is meant to be read in the voice of a bratty kid. Continue....

Facebook has turned into a wearisome crap show after what used to be the weekly American holiday of cheering, crying, and cajoling: Football Day.

I won't bore you with the details of who kneeled and who stayed in the locker room, etc because you probably already know all this and I have limited time to write while baby naps. My thoughts are inspired in part by the words of a German national, who is a worldwide leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He lived through WWII. He endured much. He has seen through the eyes of a child the pain hate can cause. Dieter f. Uchtdorf said this:

[The hateful/mad person believed] everyone else was motivated by selfishness, pettiness, and hate. She, on the other hand, was motivated by good intentions-justice, integrity, and love. I shudder to think what happened in 20th century Germany. Once you degrade a group of people, you are more likely to justify words and acts of violence against them."

He cited a study of Israelis and Palestinians who each proclaimed their side was motivated by love, but it was the other side motivated by hate and selfishness.

Let's put this into the football context: the NFL players are motivated by love of their brethren, the defense of the unjustly persecuted. The condemners are motivated by love of their brethren who served and sacrificed. So whose love is correct? Seriously, whose love wrong? Tell me.

My own Seattle Seahawks decided to stay in the locker room during the National Anthem. Not going to lie, I was shocked and a bit disappointed, at first. However, it is their right to express advocacy in 

Whatever peaceful means they can. It got us talking. Unfortunately, we seem to talking about what is respectful flag behavior and not the root of the issue.

Would I have preferred them to come out and kneel? Actually, yes. Kneeling was always a sign of respect until recently. Athletes kneel for injured players. The audience kneels before royalty. Religiously, we kneel to pray. When put in this context, perhaps we could easily assume those who kneel for the flag are respecting what it stands for so much that they are begging our society to practice what it preaches: liberty and justice for ALL. It says, "I see you America. I love you America. I expect better of you." Much like a parent would when they know their child isn't living up to their potential.

But then i read a comment from a friend who served in the military and in his community as a police officer. He said he preferred the players stay in the locker room vs kneeling. So who's love is correct? My kneeling love or his staying in the locker room love?

The following section will hopefully resonate especially with my fellow LDS.

We are all children of God first. Americans (or whatever nationality) second. I maintain that we should put our love for our often unjustly persecuted brothers and sisters above a nation's flag. By that I mean, do not get sucked into the argument of which side is showing the correct love for America. Spend that time and energy loving your brothers and sisters, else you waste your time going around and around about who loves better. Can you imagine the Savior getting angry at quietly kneeling players for disrespecting a nation’s flag because they are trying to help those who suffer?

"It's not the right time or place, it's disrespectful." Ugh this argument.

Throughout all time the Lord has used people to disrupt. The scriptures are full of prophets who, the masses claimed, were disrespectful. Where, in fact, we are commanded to use "boldness, but not overbearance."

I cannot think of a better way to describe this protest. 

Our quintessential Book of Mormon hero, Captain Moroni, was soooo disruptive and disrespectful when he ripped off his shirt to create the Title of Liberty and ran around town telling people they were not honoring the country and values God had given them. The Title of Liberty which proclaimed: "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children."

Are these not, our NFL brethren, waving their Title of Liberty? Are they not asking people to notice that freedoms and peace are being denied to many? Are they not asking that their wives be able to send their children down the street without being unjustly persecuted? 

This is a Title of Liberty our POTUS has called them sons of bitches for. He wants them to lower that Title. He wants them fired. He wants them silenced (much like he has tried to do by denying press access to White House goings-on and calling all news fake news). See Uchdorf’s comments above about populations that are silenced. 

How about another disrupter? Samuel the Lamanite prophet who did not protest the people’s actions by handing out pamphlets on the corner. He stood on an ever-loving wall and yelled at the people…while the people threw rocks and shot arrows at him. For all we know, maybe this was a very special wall, maybe a symbol of their country's might, but Samuel had the audacity to stand on that wall and preach of righteousness and repentance. Dare I say those two R words are equally applicable in this situation if you let go of your pride. Because repentance and righteousness will be needed to heal our wounds.

Biblically, Moses was a pretty disrespectful guy. That dude was so ungrateful that left his privileged lifestyle in the palace to fight against the very brother who had given him so much. All because he wanted to free and entire population of people who were slaves. So ungrateful. So disrespectful to country that had made him a prince. So disruptive.

So right.

And here is a less religious take on things. 

In addition to journalism, my educational background is anthropology and intercultural communications, so I like to fancy an ability to empathize with different perspectives. 

A blogger friend of mine recently wrote how those who kneel are forgetting 9/11. They are forgetting the tears of the wounded soldiers. They are forgetting that our flag is always there for us, even those who burn it and attack it. She said “It stands for you. Whether you stand or not.”

It is easy to say that as a white, middle class woman (I'm saying that as a white, middle class woman). But here's the thing, many of these players belong to a group of people who don't believe the flag has stood for them all the time. Police officers wearing that flag on their sleeve pulled them over for being black and shot them in the back. That flag found innocent a man who killed a black teen with a hoodie on his head and candy in his pocket. That flag was waved by those who lynched them and forced them to a lesser life.

Surely these players understand the blessings of America. But they also understand that many of our systems (and individuals in those systems) have been and are pitted against them.

And so they kneel or stay in the locker room. Asking that we live up to that flag, live up to those tears and drops of blood spilled. Literally kneeling, pleading with us to take notice and make change.

But instead we are arguing about who is loving America the right away. We are spending our time ridiculing the other side instead of trying to understand why they feel the need to be so “disrespectful.”

Instead of arguing who is loving America the right way, though, how about we kneel and stand together to love all God’s children His way.

The Lord's Evaluation of Life Does Not Include Convincing People Gay Marriage is Wrong

When I was applying to become a Resident Advisor before my sophomore year of college, they ran applicants through a series of screenings. The one I remember was a group discussion about a controversial topic (if memory serves, the topic was actually about residents' right to hang a Confederate flag in their room/window even as it offended other residents). I was ready. In my young mind, I knew I was right and I was ready to show all those evaluating me how smart, quick, assertive, and correct I was. I thought I did pretty well showing everyone how correct I was.

A little while later I received my evaluation, including the criteria of what I was being evaluated on...and a notice that I had been put on the "wait-list" for the job. What?! Hadn't they seen how brilliant I was? Didn't they see how right I was and how boldly I stood up for what was right?!

Turns out, they didn't really care. Being "right" wasn't listed as one of the criteria. However, genuinely listening, not interrupting, etc. WERE some of the criteria. I felt like a fool. I replayed in my mind the times and I had let myself be incredulous at someone's opinion or interrupted or completely shut them down. This was the first time in my life where I realized that in SO many situations it really doesn't matter what you say (even if it's right), it matters HOW you listen and HOW you express yourself.

In the days following the Supreme Court ruling to grant gay couples the right to be married, I have thought of my experience of evaluation of expression many times. For both sides. And it made me wonder, does the Lord really care about politics? Does the Lord really care about the Supreme Court ruling? Does He care whether we voluntarily take care of the poor or we put in place a government that "forces" us to do it as long as the poor are taken care of?

Perhaps the evaluation of our lives is more about HOW we conduct ourselves in relation to others and, of course, our own personal obedience to the ordinances and principals of truth that we know. I would imagine on the Lord's syllabus for our lives, there isn't one bullet point where it says, "Convinced at least 2 people via Facebook that gay marriage is wrong."

As an LDS born and raised where Mormons are the minority (in fact, where religion in general is a minority), maybe I'm just used to being around people who believe differently than me. In fact, no matter we live, we should be kind of used to it. I rarely see Mormons condemning people who choose to drink alcohol. I rarely see Mormons condemning people who have children before they are married. I rarely see Mormons telling people to "take our country back" because pretty much every store everywhere is open on Sundays. These are all things we believe strongly in, so why don't we do it? Because we also know that life is complicated and it is completely unreasonable to hold all people to a standard they don't believe in. It's a losing fight and, honestly, a waste of energy I need to be putting into my own spirituality and my own family. THAT is how the kingdom is established; not politics. And definitely not the interwebs.

I will boldly and lovingly state what I believe in an appropriate place and time...and then let people choose.

I remember having a religious discussion with a friend from high school who asked what Mormons believe about homosexuality and gay marriage. I told her in as a respectful but firm way as possible. A time later she told me she was gay and I panicked remembering our discussion and wracked my brain for anything I could've said that might have hurt her...because she was my friend from childhood and I love her. I was relieved when I realized I didn't say anything I would take back and nothing that caused her to not want to be my friend even though we disagreed. In fact, she was a Mormon defender when she moved to the South and people would make comments :)

But this is how we should conduct ourselves. On both sides. I didn't say what I said to hurt her, but we knew where each other stood...and then we continued on being friends! There was no trying to convince each other. In fact, we need to get ourselves out of the convincing business, my dear LDS. Talk about what we have, what we know, and then let others decide. Some will say yes, some will say no. And the one's who say no, well, that's not on us anymore. So just continue to love on but move on from it. Trying to convince people hardly ever works. With anything.

The work will go forth, do not panic.

But let me tell you this: the work of the Lord will go on. There is no need to fear or freak out or tell people they are going to hell or (my personal favorite) "gay marriage is satanic." I remember in the midst of dealing with a broken heart over an ex-boyfriend who just couldn't see the merits of becoming LDS to be with me forever (I was a dumb college girl), I told my father, "But he would make such a good Mormon!" My dad calmly replied, "Vanessa, the work will go forth without him. The stone will not stop rolling because he didn't join the Church." THAT was stick of truth that smacked me in the head, big time.

That is my sentiment to you, my fine LDS. The work will go forth with or without gay marriage. So perhaps, you should consider the fact that, no matter how right you think you are, you are being evaluated on HOW you say what you say...and not actually being right.

Honestly, I don't know what the Lord thinks of a temporal government granting a legal marriage to gay couples. And neither do you. Making judgement calls like that is above my pay grade and it's above yours. So don't do it. Believe in traditional marriage. Stand for Celestial marriage. But do not pretend to know what your Father in Heaven thinks of people in a situation you do not understand. We are not called to do that.

Focus on what you know is on the evaluation (ie YOUR covenants) and remember, there is no requirement for convincing people via Facebook.