Humanists Let Live

When I wrote my last blog post about abortion, I wasn't being fully transparent. At that point, I was about 10 weeks pregnant, something we weren't quite ready to go public with yet (except to a few friends and family because I felt SO crappy). I've also had some interesting discussions with people about it since then, perhaps some revelations, as well.

Here I am, about 16 weeks along. People ask me all the time "Are you excited?" and I will answer honestly, "I'm getting there." They act a little surprised, but I'll tell the truth. I was done after two children (this is our third). I was happy to be done with diapers. Happy to be able to tell my kids to stay in their room until the sun came up and not feel bad about it. Happy with the way they interacted with eachother. Not sure I wanted to add another 6 years to our in-home parenting years.

But over the last year, my very patient husband (who isn't particularly wild about children, btw) kept dropping, "I feel like we're supposed to have another one. I feel like there's someone else who's supposed to be in this family." I was like, "Good for you. I don't." We are a very faith-based home and, while he NEVER pushed it, he told me that he had prayed and still felt it so. He said "If it were up to me, I'd say nope, but I feel like it's what we're supposed to do and I trust that. But you need to have that confirmation for yourself because you're the one who's going to be doing most of the work."

I wouldn't even pray about it. For a year, I felt conflicted (do I get rid of all the baby stuff or keep it?), but I refused to inquire. I did NOT want an answer. I knew what it would be and I didn't want it. So I never asked. Over the past year, my heart softened and I finally to a place where I could ask and feel like that's where our family should go. I had enough faith to be obedient, but not super excited about it. I got pregnant relatively quickly (confirming that inspiration, I think)...and got serious morning sickness soon after. Which also made it hard to be excited.

Our children (6 and 4) are very excited and it's helped me see what a wonderful addition this child will be to our family...but, having gone through this twice before, I know it's not easy, full of things I don't particularly enjoy, and, unfortunately, that is making me work a bit harder to be excited.

It doesn't mean that I love or will love this sweet baby any less. I just don't have that excitement or anticipation one has with their first. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I know there are mamas out there who understand. My point in sharing that very personal experience is that there have been times (like I think many women have during pregnancy), where I was like "Oh crap. I'm not sure I want to do this." And maybe I had them more frequently than many.

However, my first real moment of excitement, my first tears of joy came at my 10 week ultrasound. On that black and gray screen I saw what was, several months ago, my empty womb. It was now occupied by someone who wasn't there a couple months ago. It was now occupied by a being that had never existed before.

"I made that. I made that little person. Until 10 weeks ago, he never existed. Now he does. Now he has life, will grow, will occupy space, will love, will cry, will create other life of his own in the future. None of that would've been possible 10 weeks ago because he didn't exist. Now he does." (*note, I call the baby a 'he' because I'm pretty sure it is, but we still don't yet. This is not an announcement to our friends and family lol).

We had created something. We had created the most wonderful something that anyone can create. Life. Human life. True, it mostly looked like a gummy bear. But that gummy bear was occupying a space that was empty, he was not only occupying that space, but he is living and growing.

It made me think of this quote and talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul."

Despite my previous reluctance to have another child, I looked at that ultrasound and saw that precious LIFE that had been created. I felt the love of taking "unorganized matter into our hands and mold[ing] it into something of beauty." It was good. It was right. It was not just tissue.

My mind went to the conversation of abortion and, emotionally, I wondered how someone, even if undesired, could extinguish a life that had been miraculously made. A life that had never existed before...and would never exist again if terminated.

I thought about sharing my experience then, but I didn't want to be constantly talking/writing/thinking about abortion, so I just let myself enjoy the experience. I hadn't really thought about it much until a few days ago when I read about the trending #shoutyourabortion on social media. I was angry. I was disgusted. I am pretty moderate and understand that many women become pregnant in difficult circumstances, but what I saw was women shouting out with pride that they had terminated life because they "weren't ready" and "wanted to focus on their career" and I got upset. I resisted the urge to lash out with words at that point. And I'm glad I did.

B why didn't these women let this life live and give it to someone else who would've nurtured it? Why would they not sacrifice 9 months of discomfort to let this human being...be? No one has ever forced a mother to keep an unwanted child, in fact we have a huge part of government and many social agencies devoted to helping moms adopt out their children...and even take them away if it's obvious the mother does not want to do what it takes to take care of them.

What if, instead of abortions, Planned Parented (and other clinics) became the biggest facilitators of affordable adoption? They get to move on and have their careers, etc as they desire and that life gets to live and thrive with a family who wants him or her so badly.

One of the biggest lies the abortion movement has told the public is that an unborn child is "just tissue." Abortion is "just a medical procedure." As I looked at my unborn child in that ultrasound at 10 weeks, I thought "that is not just tissue. THAT is human life" and abortion is a "medical procedure" that ends that individual human life.

As I mentioned previously, I don't want to defund Planned Parenthood. I know they offer many other health services that are valuable. And it's not just about Planned Parenthood for me. It's the practice as a whole. I still think it should be made illegal (except in medically necessary situations) and we need to offer better support to women before, during, and after pregnancy.

If you haven't read this article at A Holy Experience, it summed up my feelings in a much better way then I did about how we need to do better to support the child AND the woman. It is beautiful, loving, and eloquent.

As I pondered all this and read/heard more vitriol from both sides, throwing out lines like "women's rights! My body, my choice! Women support abortion!"  etc,  I become more entrenched in my belief that, while part of me identifies as feminist, I am definitely more humanist. I considered what it means to be humanist in different situations and heard more people say that identify as humanist (especially with the hot topic of immigration, etc). But I realized that I RARELY heard anyone in the abortion debate identify as humanist. They are feminist...or not (or are feminist but still stand against abortion).

Where are the humanists? Where are the people who have "a strong interest in or concern for human welfare and dignity"? And by that I mean ALL humans. ALL human life, no matter how young. There is not qualification for being cared for by a humanist other than being human...which unborn children are. It doesn't mean we don't care and value the mother less, or wish her less dignity. That would be go against humanism. While feminism promotes that a full-grown woman is more important and valued because she is a woman. I simply can't stand by that.

Humanism means we value the human life for just being human life. We offer it dignity. We offer it support. We care. For all the humans involved. Even if that human kinda looks like a gummy bear for a little while (for didn't we all?). It's not about being "pro-birth" and dropping the humans involved like a hot potato after the placenta comes out. The love and support does not end there.

Nor does it begin there.

If you identify as a humanist, as many liberal AND conservatives do, we value the human life. We demand individuals to be respected, to be cared for...simply because of who they are. Human. Male or female. Child or adult. Infant or elderly. Black or white. It does not matter. Humanists love human life. We let life live. We appreciate the creation of human life because we value human life. We support human life because we believe everyone deserves a measure of dignity.

Is that not something we can all get on board with?

Women Have Choices, We Don't Need Abortion. Here's the Plan...

It is rare that I feel compelled to get up out of bed and write my thoughts these days. But, tonight I do.

Abortion. Harvesting baby parts. It's all over the news. And rightfully so.

I was a bit skeptical when the first video came out and watched the edited version. It didn't look good for Planned Parenthood, but figured they find a way to spin their way out of it or whatever. Then a second and third video, which I honestly didn't watch. More fuel for the conservative right to the anti-abortion/pro-life movement for them. Planned Parenthood/Pro-Choice/Pro-abortion defenders defended it with the expected "it was edited such and such" without really watching it.

Blind support on both sides. What I expected and it didn't affect my previous opinion or behaviors regarding abortion.

When the fourth video that "proved" Planned Parenthood was "harvesting" and "selling" baby parts came out as the most damning video, I figured I'd better watch it and see what was so damning about it.

It was horrifying. But what horrified may not be what you think. Assuming that Planned Parenthood isn't doing anything illegal (which many argue they are), I was horrified by the manner of the conversation.

They called this child's organs "product." They gave it a monetary value. They giggled. They laughed. They callously talked about how useful (and financially valuable) this baby was in pieces. They talked about how it was more valuable "in tact" ie actually born. I was disgusted.

And I kept watching. I heard them crush a skull and the sift through the parts asking if there was any use for the eyeball. No.

That child would've had use for that eyeball.

And that was for a child well within the first trimester at 11.6 weeks, which is legal to abort in every state. It had identifiable HUMAN body parts that apparently have monetary (or research, whatever) value...but not enough value to be allowed to continue to live after doing nothing wrong.

What have we become? Where in our human existence do we casually talk about what we can gain after strategically crushing and destroying the most innocent, vulnerable of life? How can someone look at those little parts and not see life? Not see a being worth protecting? A being worth being given a chance to just...live?

It was in that moment that I solidified my opinion on abortion. I decided I would not just say "Well, I'm pro-choice, but I hope a woman would choose not to have an abortion."

No. It needs to be illegal again. And I'll tell you why. It has little to do with God or anecdotal stories about people that could've been aborted but weren't and grew up to be movers and shakers in our world. Because I know that has little impact on the blind defenders of Planned Parenthood and abortion.

Here's the deal. I'm all for the women's pro-choice movement. Here are the choices women have:

• The pill (hundreds of different kinds of birth control pills)
• An IUD
• Condoms
• Abstinence (and do not shake your head at this one because I believe in women and men enough to know they can and do abstain).

I'm sure there are more choices, but those are the ones I know of. Those are all choices women can make.

If women have the capacity to decide to have an abortion after getting pregnant, they have the capacity to get on the pill (or whatever) before getting pregnant.

I'm not trying to defund Planned Parenthood, they offer valuable services to communities who need it. I just want to reappropriate their funding: make abortion illegal (except in extreme circumstances like a medical necessity, rape, incest, etc...like any other major medical procedure (or prescription) that is illegal unless deemed necessary by medical professionals) and whatever funding Planned Parenthood got for abortions goes to expanding the resources of prevention. Read that last sentence again before you freak out: abortion would be made illegal except in cases where the pregnancy is a danger to the mother, result of rape or incest, or other extreme circumstances. Which is a very small percentage of the 40 million abortions every year.

Put condoms on every corner. Throw the Pill from parade floats. Increase and improve sex education, which means abstinence only states must suck it up and provide REAL sex education. All in an effort to make sure there is NO excuse for an unwanted pregnancy.

Which, honestly, there isn't really now either. Abortion is simply not a necessary "choice" anymore.

I watched an episode of the Midwife (great show) that takes place in the 1940s in Britain where one mother had more children than she could handle. Like, she literally couldn't feed them all. And then she got pregnant again. She was desperate to get rid of the unborn child because she couldn't even take care of the ones she had. She went to get a back alley abortion...which almost killed her.

I cried for her. I sympathized with the desperation. The feeling of the lack of choices. But do you know how that episode started? She asked for the Pill (a new technology at the time), but was denied. Which is what led to the attempted and dangerous abortion.

Can you imagine that today? Someone walking into a public health service asking for birth control and being denied? Nope. Never. I've been married 10 years and have two children. Why have I never been desperate enough to seek an abortion? We use birth control.

And THAT is why abortion is not necessary and should not be legal. Women don't need that choice anymore. We have plenty of other choices other than wondering if Planned Parenthood is strategically murdering tiny humans so they can use their organs for profit or research (and that is seriously not the point of this blog).

Women do have choices. This isn't the stone age, 1800s, or even 1940s anymore. Want to have sex but don't want to get pregnant? Super. Choose 1) the pill 2) an IUD 3) condoms. Look. Choices. Choices that women didn't have even in the middle of the last century. Abortion is not new, it's only gotten safer for women. What is new is all the options we have to make sure it doesn't get to that point.

Oh I forgot, there is option 4)have irresponsible sex and possibly get pregnant. Under my plan, this means you deal with the consequences of choosing life-making activities without using life-preventing technology. You continue make that life because it did nothing wrong and doesn't deserve to die (and yes, even "clusters of cells" die...skin cells die all the time. Death is death. The difference is skin cells don't have the potential to become a complete human being within a matter of months if just left alone and not sucked out of the womb).

Life has consequences. Choices (and non-choices) have consequences. Sometimes they are hard. But if we give women (and men) all the opportunities, resources, and education in the world to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and they don't take advantage, than they have a responsibility to see it through. It's a nine month commitment at most if she wants...and I bet she'll use birth control next time (and it's less than a murder sentence since so many conservatives call abortion murder). Repeat offenders would be very few if we actually expect people to live with the consequences of their actions.

Because that is not a cluster of cells. By 11.6 weeks that life has organs, as seen in that video. Organs that would help it live, breathe, think, love, see the beauty of life. A body that would have grown, thrived, been loved by someone, and impacted other lives.

It has intrinsic value. Just like the life of a majestic lion or endangered eagles egg. The difference is the potential for that human life is even greater, yet we protect it less. The only philosophy class I took in college was Ethics. The only thing I took from that class is that we place value/priority on something/life based on its potential. What could have more potential than the beginnings of life in the womb?

By all accounts, no one likes abortion. Women don't like getting them. Doctors don't like doing them. Babies don't like getting them. So why do we do them when they simply are not necessary in our day in age? Because we are SO hung up on individual freedom that we can't even see it's wrong to destroy the most vulnerable of lives who can't speak up for themselves.

Women have so many freedoms on how to handle their sexuality and family planning it's laughable when people say they support abortion because they want women to have a choice? They DID have choices. Actually planning ahead choices, not "oh crap, we really should've stopped at the drug store and gotten some condoms" choices. And her/his poor planning or crappy decision doesn't suddenly give her rights of individual freedom priority over the life she created to simply exist. Support her during that process, give her all the medical and emotional support she needs, but do not allow her to end life because of a bad choice when she had all the opportunity to make a better one.

We are so hung up on individual rights that we can't even say, "Hey man, that's wrong. Sorry if that inconveniences you for a few months, but ending that sweet, precious, innocent life is wrong." Even when she had plenty of opportunity to prevent it.

So again, here's the plan: don't defund Planned Parenthood. Make abortion illegal (except in extreme circumstances) and use those funds and resources to get Planned Parenthood, community organizations, and other public health agencies to team up and make sure birth control and sex education is available to anyone and everyone. If we don't make abortion illegal than it will continue to be a safety net and that's just not ok when it could be avoided all together.

What do you think of the plan? Can we do it? I think we can if both sides, but especially my moderate peers stand up and say "THIS is what we want. THIS actually helps women. THIS actually prevents unwanted pregnancy. THIS saves lives."