Humanists Let Live

When I wrote my last blog post about abortion, I wasn't being fully transparent. At that point, I was about 10 weeks pregnant, something we weren't quite ready to go public with yet (except to a few friends and family because I felt SO crappy). I've also had some interesting discussions with people about it since then, perhaps some revelations, as well.

Here I am, about 16 weeks along. People ask me all the time "Are you excited?" and I will answer honestly, "I'm getting there." They act a little surprised, but I'll tell the truth. I was done after two children (this is our third). I was happy to be done with diapers. Happy to be able to tell my kids to stay in their room until the sun came up and not feel bad about it. Happy with the way they interacted with eachother. Not sure I wanted to add another 6 years to our in-home parenting years.

But over the last year, my very patient husband (who isn't particularly wild about children, btw) kept dropping, "I feel like we're supposed to have another one. I feel like there's someone else who's supposed to be in this family." I was like, "Good for you. I don't." We are a very faith-based home and, while he NEVER pushed it, he told me that he had prayed and still felt it so. He said "If it were up to me, I'd say nope, but I feel like it's what we're supposed to do and I trust that. But you need to have that confirmation for yourself because you're the one who's going to be doing most of the work."

I wouldn't even pray about it. For a year, I felt conflicted (do I get rid of all the baby stuff or keep it?), but I refused to inquire. I did NOT want an answer. I knew what it would be and I didn't want it. So I never asked. Over the past year, my heart softened and I finally to a place where I could ask and feel like that's where our family should go. I had enough faith to be obedient, but not super excited about it. I got pregnant relatively quickly (confirming that inspiration, I think)...and got serious morning sickness soon after. Which also made it hard to be excited.

Our children (6 and 4) are very excited and it's helped me see what a wonderful addition this child will be to our family...but, having gone through this twice before, I know it's not easy, full of things I don't particularly enjoy, and, unfortunately, that is making me work a bit harder to be excited.

It doesn't mean that I love or will love this sweet baby any less. I just don't have that excitement or anticipation one has with their first. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I know there are mamas out there who understand. My point in sharing that very personal experience is that there have been times (like I think many women have during pregnancy), where I was like "Oh crap. I'm not sure I want to do this." And maybe I had them more frequently than many.

However, my first real moment of excitement, my first tears of joy came at my 10 week ultrasound. On that black and gray screen I saw what was, several months ago, my empty womb. It was now occupied by someone who wasn't there a couple months ago. It was now occupied by a being that had never existed before.

"I made that. I made that little person. Until 10 weeks ago, he never existed. Now he does. Now he has life, will grow, will occupy space, will love, will cry, will create other life of his own in the future. None of that would've been possible 10 weeks ago because he didn't exist. Now he does." (*note, I call the baby a 'he' because I'm pretty sure it is, but we still don't yet. This is not an announcement to our friends and family lol).

We had created something. We had created the most wonderful something that anyone can create. Life. Human life. True, it mostly looked like a gummy bear. But that gummy bear was occupying a space that was empty, he was not only occupying that space, but he is living and growing.

It made me think of this quote and talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul."

Despite my previous reluctance to have another child, I looked at that ultrasound and saw that precious LIFE that had been created. I felt the love of taking "unorganized matter into our hands and mold[ing] it into something of beauty." It was good. It was right. It was not just tissue.

My mind went to the conversation of abortion and, emotionally, I wondered how someone, even if undesired, could extinguish a life that had been miraculously made. A life that had never existed before...and would never exist again if terminated.

I thought about sharing my experience then, but I didn't want to be constantly talking/writing/thinking about abortion, so I just let myself enjoy the experience. I hadn't really thought about it much until a few days ago when I read about the trending #shoutyourabortion on social media. I was angry. I was disgusted. I am pretty moderate and understand that many women become pregnant in difficult circumstances, but what I saw was women shouting out with pride that they had terminated life because they "weren't ready" and "wanted to focus on their career" and I got upset. I resisted the urge to lash out with words at that point. And I'm glad I did.

B why didn't these women let this life live and give it to someone else who would've nurtured it? Why would they not sacrifice 9 months of discomfort to let this human being...be? No one has ever forced a mother to keep an unwanted child, in fact we have a huge part of government and many social agencies devoted to helping moms adopt out their children...and even take them away if it's obvious the mother does not want to do what it takes to take care of them.

What if, instead of abortions, Planned Parented (and other clinics) became the biggest facilitators of affordable adoption? They get to move on and have their careers, etc as they desire and that life gets to live and thrive with a family who wants him or her so badly.

One of the biggest lies the abortion movement has told the public is that an unborn child is "just tissue." Abortion is "just a medical procedure." As I looked at my unborn child in that ultrasound at 10 weeks, I thought "that is not just tissue. THAT is human life" and abortion is a "medical procedure" that ends that individual human life.

As I mentioned previously, I don't want to defund Planned Parenthood. I know they offer many other health services that are valuable. And it's not just about Planned Parenthood for me. It's the practice as a whole. I still think it should be made illegal (except in medically necessary situations) and we need to offer better support to women before, during, and after pregnancy.

If you haven't read this article at A Holy Experience, it summed up my feelings in a much better way then I did about how we need to do better to support the child AND the woman. It is beautiful, loving, and eloquent.

As I pondered all this and read/heard more vitriol from both sides, throwing out lines like "women's rights! My body, my choice! Women support abortion!"  etc,  I become more entrenched in my belief that, while part of me identifies as feminist, I am definitely more humanist. I considered what it means to be humanist in different situations and heard more people say that identify as humanist (especially with the hot topic of immigration, etc). But I realized that I RARELY heard anyone in the abortion debate identify as humanist. They are feminist...or not (or are feminist but still stand against abortion).

Where are the humanists? Where are the people who have "a strong interest in or concern for human welfare and dignity"? And by that I mean ALL humans. ALL human life, no matter how young. There is not qualification for being cared for by a humanist other than being human...which unborn children are. It doesn't mean we don't care and value the mother less, or wish her less dignity. That would be go against humanism. While feminism promotes that a full-grown woman is more important and valued because she is a woman. I simply can't stand by that.

Humanism means we value the human life for just being human life. We offer it dignity. We offer it support. We care. For all the humans involved. Even if that human kinda looks like a gummy bear for a little while (for didn't we all?). It's not about being "pro-birth" and dropping the humans involved like a hot potato after the placenta comes out. The love and support does not end there.

Nor does it begin there.

If you identify as a humanist, as many liberal AND conservatives do, we value the human life. We demand individuals to be respected, to be cared for...simply because of who they are. Human. Male or female. Child or adult. Infant or elderly. Black or white. It does not matter. Humanists love human life. We let life live. We appreciate the creation of human life because we value human life. We support human life because we believe everyone deserves a measure of dignity.

Is that not something we can all get on board with?

Divorced Kentucky Clerk Denies Same-Sex Marriage Licenses

Kim Davis, a Kentucky county clerk, is making headlines by denying marriage licenses for same-sex couples despite the recent federal court ruling...and several court orders demanding she comply with the federal law.

From what I've seen, most reasonable people think her behavior is unacceptable and I agree. As an elected official, she has a responsibility to uphold the law. If she disagrees with that law because of moral/religous beliefs, that's fine. Make your statement. Disagree. Sacrifice your job. She needs to resign because she cannot uphold the law and that's what she was elected to do.

However, that's not what has bothered me. Over and over again, I've seen people blast this woman's personal life, specifically her marriage history. Apparently, she's been divorced several times and, because of that, she is a hypocrite in disagreeing with same-sex marriage. The tag line goes something like "Protecting the sanctity of marriage by denying same-sex marriage licenses? Says the woman who's been divorced three times."

I find these kinds of attacks abhorrent. For one, unless you know her personally, you do not know the circumstances of her marriages or divorce. Perhaps abuse was involved. Many times, women who marry one jerk tend to marry the same kind of jerk.

But that's not really the point. Christians, even those who support gay marriage, should never use this "look at your history, you don't have any right to stand up for your beliefs" stance. Why? Because we understand that we are all sinners.

"...He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her." -John 8:7.

I don't swear very often, but occasionally a situation arises where it seems to be the only appropriate reaction. Does the fact that I have sworn in the past negate my right to stand up and say "I think swearing is inappropriate?"

Or, how about this one: before my husband returned to church, he was a quite a drinker. He got himself into some pretty serious trouble. But he has since stopped, never had a drink again, and we don't allow it in our home and we will teach our children the same. Does the fact that he has had alcohol in his past mean he can't say "I believe that drinking alcohol is against what my God what's me to do"?

Or how about anger. We are commanded to turn the other cheek, to be slow to anger. But, seriously, which one of hasn't gotten angry...and knows we won't get angry again.

Or how about the most important of commandments: love your God and love your neighbor as you love yourself. How many of us have chosen to put something else before God? How many of us has treated our neighbor (who is anyone around us) poorly? And it will probably happen again. Because we are human. Life is complicated. Circumstances get difficult. Are we not ALL hypocrites?

Even those of us in this human family who are not Christian or religious can understand that we can believe something while having lived that belief imperfectly. We can preach our belief in the sanctity of all life...while doing everything we can to eliminate the pests in our homes. We can teach our children to love everyone...except those who do not agree with us or those that do bad things. We all live our beliefs imperfectly because, well, we are imperfect. So why do we put people like Kim on blast for being, well, imperfect?

So I have cringed every time I've seen a meme attacking that woman as a hypocrite because of her past choices (which she would probably admit were mistakes...probably in that she should not have married those men or any number of issues that contribute to divorce). Does that mean she cannot believe marriage is sacred? No. She may very well wish for a Godly marriage...but, perhaps, has gone about it the wrong way.

I've seen the same thing with Bristol Palin. The champion of abstinence who makes her living traveling around and encouraging people to wait to have sex until after marriage. She is about to have her second child out of wedlock. People made fun of her. But my heart broke for her. Anyone who has been young understands how hard it can be to be chaste. It IS difficult in this world...and she understands that more than anyone. Does that mean she does not believe people should not wait until after marriage? No, I'm sure she believes it just as much as before. But she messed up. Big time.

Does it make her a hypocrite. Yes. But no more than the rest of us. She just happens to live in the public light.

Hypocrisy is one of the biggest sins. It is what Jesus chastised the Pharisees for over and over again in the New Testament. It is something we must be aware of in ourselves and do our best to stay away from. However, we learn from the scriptures that it was the Lord doing the condemning and he specifically taught with the "...He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her..." that that is His job. It is above our pay grade. We are not the judge. Probably because he knew that we are all hypocrites on some level and could not justly judge.

God doesn't care where we are on the path, only that we are traveling in the right direction. Would he have us quit and jump off the path when we screw up? No. We ask for forgiveness and jump back on the path. Will we mess up again? Perhaps. Probably. Most likely. Should we jump off the path then? No. We keep on truckin in the right direction. That is all we can do. Who are we to judge where people are on the path if God does not? Who are we to tell people that might as well have jumped off the path and have no right to believe in right or wrong because they screwed up?

I LOVE this quote from this talk: "If we don’t try, we’re just latter-day sinners; if we don’t persevere, we’re latter-day quitters; and if we don’t allow others to try, we’re just latter-day hypocrites. As we try, persevere, and help others to do the same, we are true Latter-day Saints. As we change, we will find that God indeed cares a lot more about who we are and about who we are becoming than about who we once were^."

I disagree with what this clerk is doing. Maybe she's doing it because she genuinely believes it. Maybe she's doing it to be a martyr and get a martyr's pay day. Perhaps her past actions haven't made her the poster child for marriage. But that doesn't mean she deserve the right to stand up for what she says she believes.

For we are all hypocrites.