My Daughter Got Punched on the Bus, and This is What I Did...

Nothing.

That's right. My 6 year old, first-grade shield maiden of a daughter got punched on the bus and we have done nothing about it.

She got off the bus and I could see that something was wrong. She told me that a boy she was sitting next to had punched her in the chest. When I asked why and what happened, she vaguely said, "I don't know..." while her big hazel eyes avoided mine.

She was obviously very upset, so I kept asking, "What happened? What were you guys doing/talking about before he punched you?" I told her she wasn't in trouble, but I could get that boy in major trouble, but that I wanted to have all the information before I contacted their teacher (knowing that most of the time kids don't just randomly punch each other).

But all I got was "I forgot..." on repeat.

That sent up my B.S. meter because she is a smart, capable kid who has the memory of an elephant, so I decided to just give her a snack and some space to process everything.

Sure enough, about an hour and a plate of nachos later, she opened up. Turns out, the boy had "accidentally" hit her, so she hit him back, and then he punched her in the chest.

"So he accidentally he hit you?" I asked. She confirmed. "So then you hit him back on purpose?" She confirmed. "So then he hit you back?" Yup.

At that point, I kept my internal "Good" inside my big mouth and asked her how that made her feel. Of course, it hurt, she said. I explained I would not be contacting the teacher about because she had him on purpose first and I hoped she had learned a lesson not to hit...a lesson we had been trying to drive home as she often exercised her bigger size and passionate feelings on her 4 year old brother.

No, I decided. We would let these natural consequences ride out without any interference from me or her father. Better for her to learn natural consequences, especially ones dealing with physical harm/hitting as a first grader than her believing I would (or could) protect her from similar things happening after she lashes out when she's older...when the consequences could be much more severe.

Yes, we decided it was better for her to get this reality check that physically lashing out won't always work out for her. Better with her 6 year old classmate than as a teenage girl against a whole group of girls...or a boy who wouldn't stop at just one small revenge (maybe knee-jerk reaction) punch.

There is an epidemic of parents trying to protect their children from consequences of their actions, sometimes rightfully so, but it is so much better for us to allow them these relatively harmless events to teach them that their actions DO have consequences...sometimes undesirable, painful ones...and mom and dad will not always save them from them. Especially if they deserved it. Better to do it now when they are young than when they are in college and expecting their parents to call their professors to argue grades for them. Or when the child grows up into a punk who's never been "checked" or put in place before. I'll be honest (like always), there are times when my kids give me major attitude and I'll say "You better check yourself before you wreck yourself." And they know exactly what it means. It means it's better for us to check them, to allow them small punches on the bus after they hit someone first, than for them to get "checked" by a group of bigger, meaner kids after my kid started some trouble thinking nothing bad will happen because mom and dad will fix it. When we "check" them, it's with their well-being in mind. If we don't do it (or allow minor incidences like this), they will "checked" by people who don't care what happen to them afterwards, by people who mean to do them harm to their detriment.

Our children are growing up in a world where they are told, "Do it if it feels good." Unfortunately, what feels good now (hitting on purpose after an accidental smack during goofing around) may not feel so good later. And if it takes a punch by a first grader for my kid to start learning the lesson, then I will simply smile at that kid the next time I see him.